What is heaven to you?

Yesterday, I received an email from my travel agency telling me that my Korea air tickets is confirmed. I will be co-leading a team of JC youth to Korea for skiing. That is not the very thing I look forward to but rather is my extension of my stay after my ski. I will be going with my beloved sister Jesslyn for a Korea holiday.

Somehow I am realli very excited over Korea. Guess I am quite attracted to Korea when I was immersing in those Korean dramas. Such beautiful scenery Korea has. Never realli expect that I will be going to Korea. Really thank God. I was just praying to Laopa that I hope my stay will be extended and I really hope to go sightseeing at Korea. So happy when I knew I can go.

Today, it has been a long time since I do nothing on saturday. Actually I realise due to my heavy job scope, I began to enjoy the luxury of just staying at home and do nothing. To me this is really a luxury. Too bad its already 11.29pm and 1/2 hour more, today will pass away. And sunday is coming. Frankly speaking, I do not really look forward to tomorrow. Because there are more activities to carry out. I wish I can have more rest.

But I am still thankful even it means just a short while, I thank Him I rested. Haha and watching my favourite taiwan drama. Somehow, deep down inside my heart, I know that somehow I wish to run away, run away from everything. Watching dramas like that, will help me to run away temporary. Because when you just watch how the drama unfold and how it developed and for a moment you will forget everything. Forget about the life you having.

Readers out there, please do not be shocked by this confession of mine, I am just being real and I am not some sort of addicted drama freak. Ya, no matter how I want to run away, God will always bring me back, grant me strength to face this world.

I guess that is also why I look forward to go Korea. I yearn to run away from all the tasks at hand and just go and enjoy myself. Hope that it will really be a good getaway. Away from my singapore lifestyle and be mesermerized at other country's lifestyle.

Living in Singapore, in such a big city, sometimes I feel we Singaporeans work too hard. We are constantly stuck in this " do and do and do " mentality. Sometimes, have we really pause for a moment and wonder the actual meaning of doing all these things. Is it some sort of really feeling meaningful about the things we do, or rather to satisfy some kind of gratification in us or to fill up the empitness or insecurity by creating more things to do.

And I also tend to fall into this striving syndrome. Work for results. I wish to have my rest, I wish to stop doing all that I am doing. And just run into the arms of my Laopa, and just be that little girl whom my Heavenly father loves.

Guess my outlook towards life is different now. I pray that this is really the heartbeat of God. Seeking simplicity and feeling contented over what He has given.
Out of a sudden, there is this thought lingering in my head, I want to go into a place where no complications of life, guess that is heaven to me.

I guess heaven is where I am looking for. What is heaven to me? Heaven is a place where God dwells. Heaven to me is a place where I can hide in the arms of my father and be totally immersed in His love. That is heaven to me. This will be more than enough for me.

Then friends reading out there, What is heaven to you? Lets not strive for nothing. Let us evaluate our hearts, are we really doing all that we doing for a sense of purpose that God has bestowed upon us. Or is it just some kind of "feeling important"
when we do the things we are doing now.

What are you yearning for? Are you yearning for a bigger cell group? or a bigger job prospect, or a bigger desired outcome in things we commit to do? These are wonderful blessings from God but surely I hope there is something above all these that you yearn for.

For me I yearn for a bigger God in my life. Not that God is big or small. But rather I yearn for Him to take total preminence in my life. A bigger God's image in me. That is what I yearn for.

Because before you know, all these things will pass away, but only Jesus love will not. Therefore if this is so, why after temporary stuffs which have no eternal signicance but rather let us fix our eyes on Him, the author and perfecter of faith.

Nothing lasts, except His love.

Simplicity of Jesus

It has been a long time since I last blogged. Gomenasai.. for those out there visiting my blog and see no updates. Havent been having the time and energy to blog recently. I guess due to my current job now, I am quite stretched with tasks on hand.

Just today, a sister happened to ask me do i have any targets lately? Haha i realise i dont have any. Haha perhaps didnt even have the time to spot any guys. And my fellow brothers in Christ were always saying that my church network database system has been outdated. Indeed i realise lately, I didnt really socialise. Perhaps I have also toned down alot. I have stopped knowing new friends.

Reason being? I also dont know. Guess I am in the midst of transitioning perhaps. Didnt really process alot, so have this bunch of raw feelings but havent do anything about it.

Thank God He sustained me this far. This year is not as bad as last year. Haha thank God. Just that still adjusting to my job, its been 3 months working there liao.

Thank God that i am doing something i enjoyed. Just pray that i will stay focus on what He want me to do and not fall short of His glory. Indeed I realise i am becoming more and more simple. I also dont know why. Perhaps all i know that is i do not stray away from God. As long as I am always in Him can liao. Ya, G12? having my 12? whether my job is good? or whatever? Ai yoh.. seriously doesnt matter mann. Cos i just pray that when I go up to heaven, whatever God entrust to me, I can present perfect to Him can liao.

I dont have ample strength to think so much. All i know is that i am in whatever God has intended me to be, not that i am slacking or what. Haizz.. He will know what i can take and what i cant. So perhaps, thats why life is so much simple for me this year.

Right now I am very tired, all i pray is that I can rest in Him mann. Earthly things made me so dry. Sometimes I wonder why do we need to do so much? Sometimes as i reflect back alot of things are merely chasing after the wind. Strive so hard for what? Cant bring anything when time is up. Therefore, all i pray is that I will just lead a life holy and pleasing unto God.

9 years liao, being a christian. I pray i will grow more intimacy with God. Whether am I running the vision or finding my 12, or what so ever? After all , is that all so important? Not really. What is important is I understand His grace for me and do not take His grace for granted. Not that all the above is not good, but rather life is all about pleasing God. Life is all about understanding more and more about Him. Life is all about having a simple heart to follow God.

I just yearn a life just understanding more and more about the simplicity of life. Human beings tend to make things complicated. We always tend to bind ourselves with system after system, rules and regulations and restrictions. I am living in this world of so many complications. All i know is that i seek a place without all these, i yearn for a place where I can just love God and He love me. Without the complications of worldly matters.

I wish to throw away all that complications, like it or not, i cant. Because this is such a broken down world. Like it or not, God havent come back yet. So i will have to continue to perservere and press on living in this world. When will the garden of eden be back? Or when will He recreate the garden of eden again?

Nobody knows. But all I pray is that I will have a heritage in that garden. I will not strive to create my own kingdom and miss out the total blessing He has for me.

But what is comforting here on this earth? Jesus says I will never leave you nor forsake you. Jesus provide His strength for me. So in such a broken world I live in, I can look for comfort, refuge, strength in Him. Because He say so, He will not allow anything what I cannot bear. Thank God I trust in Him. Thankful that I understand this. Thankful that He is here. If not, how to live in a world like that?

Totally impossible to live at all. Thank God He died for me. And because of that in such a sickening world we live in, I will still feel His peace. His peace that overcome all the fears, confusion that i am feeling.

Seriously, i think God is bringing me another phase of brokeness. To live is Christ and to die is gain. Thats what He is teaching me. And I am still learning.

So so hungry and thirsty for His presence. Lord help me to overcome this world. Not easy but I hold on to your truth that will set me free.

Out of a sudden, even when i am penning down these thoughts, a familiar verse ring in my head,

Psalms 139: 23-24

Search me, O God and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Ya that is my prayer, haha except for the test me part. Haha...