Desperately seeking the face of God

Throughout these few weeks the Lord has showed me some stuffs pertaining to my heart. I was just sharing with my buddy Ah ling, the other day that the Lord showed me my greatest desire and interest at heart.

All along, I have this drama dream, dream of opening a drama, theatre company one day so that by making use of this platform to reach out to more broken hearted people who never tasted of His great love. I remembered I had this dream in year 2003. But facing the fact of no skill sets in this area and no open doors to enter.

My dream died, circumstances forced me to think that all these were not possible. People around me gave me a blank look each time I shared this dream. Simply because this is too big a dream and people simply did not know how to respond to me.

For 2 years, I have been asking God why. While seeking to find out that answer, God was also using those brokeness to mold my character. Every broken situation that He allowed was to make me more like Him. (Extreme brokeness is tasted when you acknowledge your own mistakes and desperately seeking for God's grace and mercy upon you. )

It was not until ... few weeks ago, one day, while I was walking back to my office, the Lord revealed to me about my greatest desire. I remembered Laopa told me that it is not drama that I was interested but it was the people behind the production and the many hearts that will be touched by the production. I have witnessed how the casts or the audience are simply touched by a production and regained confidence in the Lord.

When the Lord said that, it began to dawn upon me, that this is my greatest desire. No wonder I found such great joy when ministering to people. Because I was having a heart to reach out. And my greatest desire is to really do this full time. I am simply wired to be interested in people, in their problems and see how I can help them. Sounds like such noble job, haha but it takes a lot of brokeness and humility to hold on to this desire. But still I wish to hold on to this desire.

Since my heart is for broken people.(That also explains why God is still breaking me) I realise I do not want to waste any more time dreaming. I want to work towards the dream. I have decided that I would like to pursue a qualification in social work that will lead me to where my dream could be fulfilled.

Now I know what he meant by new dream. He wants to give me a dream that honours Him. This new dream doesnt matter whether it contains drama or not, but one thing I know it contains the broken hearted people. It contains the love of God, a love that stems out from John 3:16, that says He loved the world, a joy of salvation.

I have given the Lord a blank cheque.This cheque entails my committment and my life. A cheque that symbolises my surrendered heart to Him. I really do not know by doing so, what lies ahead. But if a bankrupt, broken, bowed heart is all that He approves of, I will present this cheque to Him. Because all I want is to please Him.

When no one to rely on, no one understands, I still want to cling on to the promise that you made, Fear not my child, I am with you.

Because of those words, that gave me the strength to face what is ahead!