intense suffering

Something veri terrible happened yesterday. And now I feel so wounded and crushed. I have no more hope, no more strength to fight and nothing left. So defeated. I have no more strength to encourage anyone.

Its so painful that i cried and cried and cried. Thought i was going mad and yet crying out to God what to do,,, cos I really have no more strength i am so so tired. So tired of everything.

My leader ask me to think rationally and dont allow the evil one to come and destroy me,,, but i have no more strength to fight. Felt so defeated and need God's healing ....

Being a christian for so many years, never have I experienced such intense brokeness compared to what I have been through last year till now. I am suppose to rise up and move on.... but I have no more hope to do that.

I know this brokeness has to go on. I remembered a brother once shared with me... he saw a vision of an arm which is working very hard and each time the muscle over stretched itself... there was some room for rest for recovery... but as soon as the muscle of the arm recovered... the arm is stretched again.... this arm is stretched almost to the max... in order to build more muscles. And the brother told me my season will be of that arm... whom God will stretch...until its broken,,, and allow me to heal for a while... then stretch again. God wants to build strong muscles in me so that when adversities hit... I will not fall...

But at this current moment I have used up all my strength... i have nothing... it is a fact no one will understand.... it has proven no matter how I shared.... people will just throw funny comments .,... I know this is not pride from me. It is just God who allow all these .... so to rely totally on Him

Now all I can do is ask Him for help .... what else can I do.... no hope...totally broken before Him... i cant see what is ahead...... even no strength to even pass today. Tears streamed down even at this very moment i am typing these words.

But what can I do? when no one understand... I am so hard pressed and so persecuted... in the midst of this despair... out of a sudden a familiar verse rang in my head...

We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed, perplexed but not in despair, persecuted but not abandoned. struck down but not destroyed.

God ! Why have you forsaken me? Why do you allow those evil men to prevail? Why ? Why? Why? I have nothing.... Help me!

A broken spirit and a contrite heart you will not despise. See me through... help me win the battle.. cos I have no more strength to fight.